Creating emotional intelligence in kids

Photo by Suad Kamardeen on Unsplash

Early childhood is a critical time period in development when children begin to learn about their environment, develop a sense of self and explore how to express their emotions. While a huge part of development occurs prior to entering school, children continue to grow and develop as they encounter new life experiences. Positive relationships with parents help children develop trust, empathy, compassion and a sense of right and wrong. 

It is important that parents foster social and emotional learning throughout early experiences. According to experts, when kids learn to work well with others, regulate their emotions and engage in problem-solving, they are better prepared to deal with life’s challenges and be more successful in school. 

What Is Social and Emotional Learning?
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Social and emotional learning (SEL) involves creating positive relationships and emotional connections as part of learning to help children develop the skills they need to be successful in life. SEL has often been emphasized in schools, given the amount of time spent in the classroom and the opportunities available to practice these important skills. SEL skills include having the ability to:

• Set and achieve positive goals.
• Feel and show empathy toward others.
• Establish and maintain positive relationships.
• Make responsible decisions.
• Understand and manage emotions.

Strategies for Supporting SEL in Kids
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• Reinforce appropriate behavior. Children and adolescents often learn about how to behave by receiving direct feedback from adults. When you notice that your child is engaging in a desired behavior, such as sharing or helping others, be sure to provide some verbal praise. The more that you reinforce appropriate behavior, the greater the chances kids will repeat such behaviors and those behaviors will become a habit.

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• Encourage cooperation. Conflict resolution is necessary for navigating difficult conversations, interacting with different personalities and maintaining relationships with peers. Create opportunities for your child to interact with peers or family members to help them learn how to get along, share and manage their frustrations. Teach your child how to use their words to talk through situations and learn how to compromise. Modeling appropriate behavior for kids is another useful strategy to teach cooperation.

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• Encourage emotional expression. Children and adults need to be able to express their emotions to cope with uncertainty in life and for their overall well-being. Emotional expression helps others understand how you feel, allows you to manage your stress, worry or sadness, and prevents negative coping. Holding in your emotions or denying your feelings could lead to difficulties, such as acting out in anger or verbal or physical aggression. One easy way to teach children about expressing and managing their emotions is by using books. The American Psychological Association offers some suggestions of useful books for social and emotional learning, from “Abracadabra!: The Magic of Trying” by Maria Loretta Giraldo for 4- to 8-year-olds to “What to Do When Mistakes Make Your Quake: A Kid’s Guide to Accepting Imperfection” by Claire A. B. Freeland and Jacqueline B. Toner for 8- to 12-year-olds.

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• Teach empathy. Empathy involves the ability to emotionally understand what others are experiencing and to have some perspective on how others think and feel. Empathy is not only important to understand how others experience life, but it can prepare your child to have better relationships with their peers and in adulthood. Use examples from television, books or watching the news to help children learn empathy. You could, for instance, discuss how medical doctors and nurses are working to care for others and ask your child what thoughts or feelings they imagine health care workers are experiencing. By teaching empathy, you can promote helping others without expecting something in return.

Remember that life is unpredictable, and many children are learning by watching the actions of adults in their lives. Early childhood is also a critical opportunity to teach social and emotional skills. As kids grow and develop,  it is necessary to prepare them to deal with uncertainty now to help them thrive in adulthood.

Visit the Therapy for Black Kids book recommendations for books on fostering SEL: http://bit.ly/T4BKbooks

A version of this was originally written by Dr. Erlanger Turner for the US News and World Report For Parents Blog 

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