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Tips to "open the doors" of communication with teens

1/31/2022

 
PicturePhoto by Yingchou Han on Unsplash
The doors of communication are open! If not, here are some reasons why communication with teens is so important. 

As a psychologist, I’ve often worked with families and some parents have expressed how difficult it is to get their teenager to talk with them. Sometimes parents express they get short answers to simple questions such as “how was school”. Often teens may reply “good”. Of course as a parent that is not sufficient. In today’s world when more kids are struggling with mental health challenges it is even unnerving when teens don’t want to open up. 

The reality is that kids learn from a very young age if their parents are open to talking with them about certain topics or if they are too busy to have a minute to spend time talking with them. Research has shown that open parent-child communication is extremely important. For example, studies show that when parents engage in open and positive communication it can be a protective factor that reduces risk of psychological and behavior problems. Numerous psychological studies have found that the quantity and quality of communication between a parent and their child reduces risk of engaging in substance use or sexual behavior, low self-esteem, and poor academic achievement. 
 
Another consideration is how parents communicate with their daughters compared to sons. In a study published in the International Journal of Adolescence and Youth, the authors noted that female adolescents perceived their communication with both mothers and fathers to be more positive and open. Additionally, the study findings reported that open communication with parents protected children from experiencing school adjustment problems, low self-esteem, depression and substance use. 
 
Tips for Improving Communication
 
Below are some suggestions on how to communicate with teens based on an article published by the Child Mind Institute: 
 
Listen. If you are curious about what’s going on in your teen’s life, asking direct questions might not be as effective as simply sitting back and listening. Kids are more likely to be open with their parents if they don’t feel pressured to share information. Remember even an offhand comment about something that happened during the day is their way of reaching out, and you’re likely to hear more if you stay open and interested — but not prying.
 
Validate their feelings. It is often our tendency to try to solve problems for our kids, or downplay their disappointments. But saying something like “She wasn’t right for you anyway” after a romantic disappointment can feel dismissive. Instead, show kids that you understand and empathize by reflecting the comment back: “Wow, that does sound difficult.”
 
Don't be a dictator. You still get to set the rules, but be ready to explain them. While pushing the boundaries is natural for teenagers, hearing your thoughtful explanation about why parties on school nights aren’t allowed will make the rule seem more reasonable.
 
Give praise. Parents tend to praise children more when they are younger, but adolescents need the self-esteem boost just as much. Teenagers might act like they’re too cool to care about what their parents think, but the truth is they still want your approval. Also looking for opportunities to be positive and encouraging is good for the relationship, especially when it is feeling strained.
 
Control your emotions. It’s easy for your temper to flare when your teen is being rude, but don't respond in kind. Remember that you’re the adult and he is less able to control his emotions or think logically when he’s upset. Count to ten or take some deep breaths before responding. If you’re both too upset to talk, hit pause until you’ve had a chance to calm down.
 
Be observant. It’s normal for kids to go through some changes as they mature, but pay attention if you notice changes to their mood, behavior, energy level, or appetite. Likewise, take note if they stop wanting to do things that used to make them happy, or if you notice your child isolating themselves. If you see a change in your teen’s daily ability to function, ask them about it and be supportive (without being judgmental). They may need your help and it could be a sign they need to talk to a mental health professional.
 

​Visit the Therapy for Black Kids website for possible referral sources.
 
Source: 
 
Bireda, A. D., & Pillay, J. (2018). Perceived parent–child communication and well-being among Ethiopian adolescents. International Journal of Adolescence and Youth, 23(1), 109-117.



Identifying Suicide Risk in Black Youth

9/10/2021

 
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Suicide is a serious mental health concern. It often occurs along with symptoms of depression which can be treated with therapy. However, many are reluctant to seek professional help for mental health issues, especially in the Black community. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the third leading cause of death among Black youth. Therefore, it is important that we identify risk early to prevent actual suicide attempts. 

Risk Factors of Suicide

An article published in the Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology (Horwitz, Czyz, & King, 2015) looked at suicide attempts in teens and young adults. The study identified specific risk factors for engaging in suicidal behaviors. According to the study by Horwitz and his co-authors increased risk of suicide was related to socioeconomic status, severity of suicidal thoughts, past history of suicide attempt, and a history of self-injurious behavior (e.g., cutting). Although these signs help to identify risk, suicide is very difficult to predict.

Common Signs of Depression
  • Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
  • Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
  • Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
  • Appetite and/or weight changes
  • Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
  • Restlessness, irritability

Suicide Warning Signs
  • Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves.
  • Looking for a way to kill themselves, such as searching online or buying a gun
  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
  • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
  • Talking about being a burden to others.
  • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
  • Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.
  • Sleeping too little or too much.
  • Withdrawing or isolating themselves.
  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
  • Displaying extreme mood swings.

Helping Your Child Cope with Depression

Below are a few suggestions for helping your teenager and family cope with depression. These are minor coping strategies and may not be specific to your child’s individual needs. Please consider seeking a professional counselor or psychologist in your area for continued treatment and monitoring.
  1. Engage in cultural or religious practices such as prayer. These may be helpful for decreasing suicide and providing social support.
  2. Increase family activities and engagement in the community. Strong connections provide hopefulness and emotional support.
  3. Contact the National Suicide Prevention hotline (available 7 days a week) for free and confidential support 1-800-SUICIDE
  4. Get connected to a therapist or mental health provider. Remember it’s your decision and your child’s to decide whom you want to work with. It’s okay to ask if they have experience working with the issues that are most important to you and your family.

If you have family members who have these behaviors it is important to take it seriously and help them get professional help.

Visit the Therapy for Black Kids website for possible referral sources. 

Reference: 
Horwitz, A. G., Czyz, E. K., & King, C. A. (2015). Predicting future suicide attempts among adolescent and emerging adult psychiatric emergency patients. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 44(5), 751-761.


 
Note: A version of this post was authored by Erlanger A. Turner, Ph.D. for Psychology Today. 

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    This blog is maintained by Therapy for Black Kids. 

    Content has been reviewed by Dr. Earl Turner. Dr. Earl is a clinical psychologist and founder of Therapy for Black Kids. 

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